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Friday, December 31, 2010

A New Year, a "Fresh Start", a New Blog, "Rain, Park and Other Things"....

♫ And when I go there...I go there with you, it's all I can dooooo..... ♫

Hello friends!  Well, it's been quite awhile since I've been here in my "Cafe'"....and, I've decided to stop by here more often, and post blogs more often, maybe every day...and, I know, you're pinching yourselves now and looking with eager anticipation to what I have to say...don't get too excited though, I'm not exactly a writer for the Huffington Post...but I do think it's time I keep a more consistent blog, someplace, and after thinking about if for a couple of minutes...oh ok, for a few days now, I've decided to do that here.  I'm on Facebook, MySpace, Pink Essence, URNotAlone and a few other online spots, but I feel this place combines a bit of the best(for me at least) of all those places--I can have friends/followers here, but not in such a "public" way as FB or MSpace, and have a "trans-oriented" blog, but not exclusively rap about those topics....so anyway, I've made my churse and Ima stickin' to it, Pilgrim.  I may change some things on here soon, like my background, colors, etc., and maybe even the name--"Kelli's Deli"?  Maybe. ;-)  I chose "Cafe'", because my dad, family owned a cafe' when I was young, and I feel comfort in keeping that familial connecting going.    I'm kinda excited to be "back" here, and maybe being more consistent in blogging will help keep my "eye on the ball"...maybe I should rephrase that. :-\  

I highly doubt...but then again, maybe I would, but if I didn't have the love and support of friends online, and nowadays, "offline", I probably wouldn't blog.  Maybe I'd write some stuff, and keep them to myself.  But, maybe I can be of some help to someone along the way.  That happened when I was on Yahoo 360, and I KNOW I was inspired on there by many girls, and their stories of courage, perseverance and pride and confidence in themselves helped me to keep moving forward, and they, and many others are a HUGE part of why I'm still on this amazing journey.  Thank you ALL for all you have done for me over the years since I came out to the world...or, at least this small part of the world, and from what I have taken into my heart from you, I want to show that love and caring to others, online and now that I am "full time", to others who want to follow this path too, and also to those who aren't "T", but who support us, and/or want to learn more about us. 

So anyway, thank you for stopping by!  And here's to 2011--May it be your best year yet!!  (HUGS)

~Kelli Nicole, "Proprietor"

Friday, July 23, 2010

Life Update

Dear Girlfriends,

Hello everyone! How is Summer for you so far? Hot, humid and a LOT of rain here! I hope yours is a bit less “extreme”. I am sending this to you all as an update since my last letter(which I have included, since it's been about a couple of months now since I sent that one), to keep you up-to-speed on my comings and goings...well, my eventual goings, mostly. (Yes, I may be an annoying “pest” with these, but a somewhat cute one, especially on weekends. ;-) ) As I stated in that previous letter, I did resign from work, after 22 years there, and I've been searching around, at least for something part-time, but no luck yet. I also filed for unemployment, but no word on that as of yet, either. So, as of now, I am waiting on some retirement fund money to live on, a couple of weeks, tops...thankfully my roommate is cool about the rent(I'll pay her asap!). And yes, I still desire to move out of Illinois, preferably to California/West US, as soon as arrangements can be made. And, also, I am still hoping to find a roommate(s) arrangement type of situation, and eventual work too of course. So, this letter is mostly to check and see if anyone here is also looking for a roommate, or knows of someone who is, or can pass along any good web site resources for such needs. I do have, and use quite a few sites, such as Yahoo groups I belong to, and other transgender-related web sites, but of course if you have any you think would be helpful, I would very much appreciate it! And if I can't find anyone, that's ok, I'm still going to move as soon as possible, and once I'm out there, maybe I'll find a better living arrangement with someone. My “background” information is within my previous letter, so if there's any “newbies” to me and my story, please do read all of that...not that it's all that “exciting”, but I think it covers most of the important details to get at least an idea of who I am and where I'd like to go from here. Well, I think that about covers it for now. I am in somewhat of a tough bind now...nothing unusual there these days, especially for transgender folks, but that's the way it is right now. Thank you all SO much for, again, reading this, it really means a LOT to me! And yes, as soon as I know exactly when and where I'm going, I'll contact you asap. Take care everyone, and Thank You!! (Hugs)

Dear Girlfriends,
Hi everyone! Today is June 4th, and I am updating my “moving” letter I sent to many of you, last month...errr, April, as there's been a few changes in my life since that was sent. First, I've moved...a little over 2 weeks ago, back to my old home area, Mulberry Grove(IL) to be exact. A friend at work, who was having a terrible time(her husband passed away about a month ago, unexpectedly, from complications after a surgery) living by herself, and she knew(and yes, she “knows”, about Kelli and is very supportive) I was looking to move back to this area, and so she offered to let me stay here with her, to keep her company, help around the house, etc. So, it's worked out well so far. She's also planning to sell this place soon...but of course with the market these days, who knows how long that might take...and she's also looking to move in with her best friend soon, so when that happens, I'll be staying here and watching the place for her until I leave. I do miss living with Andi...and, I think she misses me too! We still connect on weekends, so it's cool. A few other items to update from my message below, including: I asked my brother if I could stay with him for awhile till I get settled....well, in a word--”No”. But again, it's cool, I understand(there's more to it, but it's “family stuff”, no biggie though). And yes, I put in for my resignation at work, June 25th. And yes, still working on plans to move...which of course is the main theme of this whole(and MUCH too long, hehe) letter. So anyway, thank you for reading this...and sorry about repeating myself—the Delete button is handy, right up near the top, can't miss it ;-)....but if there is someone who can help, or know someone who can, please let me know asap. I'm sure that I can find a place somewhere, get established, find a job, all of that, on my own, but I thought that, maybe someone out there may also need some help—kinda like the situation I'm in at the present, then we can both(or more), at least temporarily, help each other out. Take care all! And have a good Memorial Day. It's SUCH a contemplating, and special day, honoring those who have served....it's all so very overwhelming to me, and I thank them all—Past, Present and Future! Where would we all be now, if it wasn't.... Anyway, thanks girls! You are ALL AMAZING (and Loving and Sweet and Caring and Kind and Giving and Cute and Sexy and....Ticklish >giggles<), and DON'T you forget it!! Hugs 'n Kisses


Dear Girlfriends,
Hello everyone! J  How are “things”?  I say “everyone”, since this is going out to many people(in BCC form)…and, I hope that everyone is having a lovely Spring!  It’s been really nice here so far, in the 70’s and 80’s, and much warmer than usual, which is fine with me, since I’m “Ms. Cold-Natured”, sigh.  Anyway, below is a letter I wrote over the past couple of days….been thinking  about what to say for a few weeks actually(we don’t have Internet service here, so some things take WAY too much more time than if…. )  I think it pretty much sums up what’s on my mind nowadays.  And, please don’t grade me or anything, I have enough trouble finding Looney Tunes toons on the tele. :-\  Thank you SO much for taking the time…yes, it’s a bit long(winded)…funny, I’m usually very quiet in person. ;-)  Take care everyone. (Hugs)
They say that “time waits for no man”…or “woman”, in this case.  Well, for me, the word “time” means very many things…especially since I’m one of those folks who are in the category of “not getting any younger”(some of you may know about that one…sigh..but then again, maybe 49 is the new 26 ;-) )…so, yes, I have, for a time, been thinking about time a lot lately, and what I want to do with the rest of my life.  I’m sure I’ll live at least another 150 years, but that’s beside the point.  Transitioning, from a male to a female, as many of you already know, takes a HUGE amount of courage, effort, determination, inspiration(from within and from others), money(Omg!) and yes, time too.  And, I may be a bit “late” to this endeavor, but how can I not be who I truly am, my true, feminine self, especially after all that has happened, over time?  So, it’s now time, in my life, to plan, and implement the changes I feel I need to make, to make myself “whole”, as a woman, or at least the woman I feel that’s in my heart now, and for very long time now. 

Having said all of that, I want to tell you now, my good friends, of at least a summary (or “summery”, isn’t it warm and gorgeous so far this Spring?!) outline of my plans for the next few months(and some parts, years).  It is now, April 17th, and, if various things work out well here, I plan on “retiring”(yeah, if only forever!) from my job in June, and move away from this home “area”—I call it “area”, because I live in Springfield, IL(with my g/f-b/f Andi--more on her/us,  in a moment) and still work(commuting  150 miles a day—long story, sorta, but it’s just how it’s worked out) in Greenville, IL, my home for most of my life.  And, I could be wrong, but really, I don’t think so… but, I believe that I have a better chance with transitioning, finding work, going back to school, trying out a new career, becoming a “full time” female in the world, and, if things work out nicely, finding love again…in a different location, and, at least somewhat(there will always be memories of course, good ones mostly though, thankfully), try to eventually distance myself from here, obviously physically, but mentally and emotionally also, and make a true “fresh” start.  Yes, it is a HUGE step, or steps to take, but despite what I’m sure will be some difficult times, I feel that all of this is, and will be the right thing for me to do.  I may not always be happy with how things turn out in every instance, but I feel that I must at least try.  I may not be the most talented person, or intelligent…but then again, maybe, hopefully, those positive attributes will be enhanced and improved on, as my time spent doing the things I need to do to be happy, with myself, wherever that might be….

Which leads me to—“Where do you plan on living, Kelli?”  I thought you might ask me that eventually. ;-)  Well, my preference is the West coast, and preferably in California.  And, I think that, mainly because I have family there(in San Francisco, precisely)(and, the only family I have left—my brother, and his wife—and I also have one nephew, and he’s in Portland, OR.)…but also, many good friends live in that area also.  And, at least from what I’ve read, and from what others have told me…and despite the high costs(which is no small thing of course) of living in that area…that it’s one of the best places in the country to do what I want and plan to do.  No guarantees of course, but again, if I never try….   And yes, if an opportunity seems to me to be a better “fit”, in some other area(Cali or elsewhere—well, maybe not Mongolia—not that there’s anything wrong there :D ), I’d certainly look seriously at that also. 

So, as of today, no, I don’t have any prospects on either a place to live, or work.  Which of course means, I’ll be VERY busy over the next few weeks and months in getting, hopefully, those things in some type of “order”(although it seems that “chaos” has been more “normal” in my life the past few years…though I’m certainly not alone there, am I girls?).  This message(finally Kelli, Yay!!) is mostly about asking you if you have, or may know someone,who has, a place to share with someone like me?  And just who(or what) ARE you, Kelli Nicole??  Well….those of you who do already know me, at least fairly well, know that I am a loyal servant who will do anything….hehe, just seeing if you are still with me here. :D  I like to think of myself as a good and decent(thank you Mom & Dad, Grandparents, and all the rest!) person, and always willing and wanting to “help out around the house”, and just do what’s best for each situation, or at least try.  I’m a fairly quiet(ask Andi), easy-going person, who loves to laugh, cook, ride her bicycle, listen to music, drive(good thing, with that commute!), tickle(again, ask Andi :D ), keep things tidy, read, watch tv, dance, go to garage sales ‘n thrift stores(that’s my “shoppin’ life” these days!), munch on popcorn, drink various high fructose corn syrup items(yeah yeah, I know, I need to work on that), needlepoint(need to get back into that), wear rings, chase storms, love animals,  view stars, snuggle(re: Andi)….oh, and play around—on the Web, ya sillies! :D  Yeah, that last one—omg, I could, literally go on and on about that, and mostly about how my, as I’ve stated many times over the years—and I never ever get tired of saying it!--- of how my precious friends have helped me when I truly needed help…I literally cannot  thank all of you enough(you know who you are!)  Yes, I do spend probably an inordinate amount of time online…but, it’s good for me I believe.  And, of course, if someone was interested in having me as a roommate, there had better be Internet service!!  Kiddin’ of course…but if anyone of you, or someone you may know, who is interested, please let me know, as soon as possible.  I’ve also looked some in Craigslist, and may try out Roommates.com sometime…and, if there are other sites, listings, places, etc. that you think might be advantageous, please let me know.  And so, if you are interested, you can then ask me more details about myself, which to me, is a bit awkward, talking about myself I mean, or “playing myself up”, as the case may be.  Maybe that’s part of the self-confidence “thing” that will, hopefully, improve in my life over time, as I continue with my transition.  Now, not yet having asked them, I don’t know if my brother and his wife would let me stay with them, at least until I can get settled, etc.  So I’ll be looking into that possibility also.  Yes, they both know about Kelli, and are accepting—they just want me to be happy, and for that I am SO thankful!!  And, maybe it would be best for me to stay there for a little while…but I also believe it would be good (at least in theory) to stay with another(or more) transgurl(or hey, a transman is also a possibility, why not?), at least for awhile.   Yes, Andi here is a transgender girl, and it’s worked out pretty well(I think), so I have some experience there.  As the kids say these days…or is that a 90’s phrase?—“It’s all good!”

Money, employment, school—all VERY important things in life, obviously, and I will be looking, searching, calling and talking(begging?!) and trying my best to get everything there coordinated and set, if possible, before I move out…although I know that is much more difficult unless one already physically lives in a particular area of work/school interest.  I am fairly skilled in a small/technical field called “digitizing”, which is making embroidery via computer software…so I’ll look into that field first, but actually if anything “decent” develops, I will certainly look into it.  Eventually I do want to go back to school, and I’m interested in something in the medical field(brain surgeon?  Nah, I’d be 70 before I’d be done with the schooling!).  But again, for the short term, just having a decent and steady income would be most practical…which I guess goes without saying…and, she said she was the “quiet type”….yeah yeah….

Well, I don’t want to end this message/letter without thanking some people near and dear to my heart, whom I have GREATLY benefitted, in life, love, friendship and inspiration, and without their help and support, I may not be here typing this.  I guess I could begin with my parents—but, that’s, thankfully,, obvious…plus I can’t thank them anymore, literally at least, since they are no longer with us.  I will love them forever of course!!  I first want to thank my ex-wife, Betty, for all she did to help make me a better person, and for showing me that finding love WAS possible…no matter how short in time.  And, thank goodness we still get along well.  I do miss her sometimes, still(we divorced a year ago, March), and maybe in some ways, always will.  And, it may be good that I do move away from here, and from her, for the both of us.  We do both need to move forward.  Next, to you, all of my special and loving friends out there in the cyberworld(yes, it’s real too—SCC and Be-All showed me that! J )….I think many of you already know how much I love you all!  And will always be grateful for all you have done for me over the years, to help me be where I am today.(BIGGIE HUGS!!!)  And, last, but certainly not least—Andi!  It was about a year ago when Andi…and, believe me when I say this, that I wasn’t looking for anyone then—I was very depressed back then, having just went through the break-up and divorce from Betty…but, I was SO fortunate, once again(boggles my mind sometimes, how often that’s happened) to have met Andi at the very first(ever!) transgender meeting I ever attended….and, well, over a short time, we became “close”, and eventually started seeing each other on weekends, and then, last December, she, literally brought me into her home—my/our(Betty’s and mine) house sold then, down in Greenville, and I really  didn’t, at that point, have any other options.  We’ve had a good, interesting, sometimes a bit confusing, but overall a fun, sometimes emotional and “educational” time together.  Andi agrees that it’s probably best for me, overall, to make this decision to move, so we’re both cool with all of that.  And, if she can, she may drive out with me to wherever I end up staying.  And, she loves living here, so although she will miss me(and I, her!), she’s staying put(and there’s more to it than that, but you know, it’s between us…). So, I’m not exactly sure why…why everyone above has been in my life, and made it SO much better…maybe somebody could tell me someday?

Please let me know if you are interested and can accommodate me in this request.(I’ll have contact info. below) I don’t have a “set in stone” deadline to leave here, but Andi and I have pretty much agreed that it would be best if I found a place by this June sometime.  Yes, I’ll have MUCH to do before then…but it’s been that way for quite awhile now, so I’m used to it.  I am ready to move forward, and I don’t want to waste another moment.  Thank you very much, girls, for taking the time to read this!  Take care, and be well everyone. (Hugs)
With Love,
Kelli Nicole
Kelli Nicole Elam

Ph: Please ask
Yahoo Messenger: kellinicole127
E-mail: kellinicole127@yahoo.com
Twitter: kelli4ever
Facebook: kelli4ever
I’m also on Pink Essence, URnotalone, MySpace, YouTube, TSDating(kidding :D) Thank you!!